Make way for Mario, Grand Theft Auto!

**Marjoh** · 04-01-2005, 08:02 PM

Anti-game attorney Fred Johnson calls reptile deaths "avoidable" and holds Nintendo and its "pernicious plumber" responsible.

On Wednesday, tragedy struck Las Tortugas de Jesus, a sea turtle sanctuary in Akumal, Mexico, just south of Cancun. A vacationing 16-year-old teen entered the endangered terrapins' safe haven and began jumping on top the nesting reptiles with both feet. 34 turtles were killed in the rampage, and 15 more were wounded. The perpetrator was uninjured.

"It was horrible," recalled witness Bruce Worthington. "I brought my family all the way from Wichita to see the Loggerheads nest and have a few strawberry margaritas. Everything was going fine, it was a serene scene. Then, out of nowhere, some kid entered the nesting area and began violently jumping on the turtle's heads."

The teenager, whose name is being withheld, admitted to local authorities that he was re-enacting a scene from the game Super Mario Bros. In the Nintendo title, an Italian plumber, Mario, jumps on turtles, killing them, and then uses their carapaces as weapons.

"Life is like a videogame," the teenager reportedly said before being dragged away by local police. "If I hadn't jumped on those turtles, they would've sprouted wings and could've kidnapped the princess. What then, huh? HUH?!"

"This must stop!" decreed crusading anti-game attorney Fred Johnson. Johnson has long been a critic of the industry, saying multi-million-selling titles such as Grand Theft Auto should be banned for causing violent behavior in a half-dozen teenagers. "Those creatures out there weren't just turtles. They were mothers, they were fathers, sisters, brothers. How do you explain to their families what happened? That blood is on Nintendo's hands."

"He's a good boy," said the teenager's father, who declined to give his name. "He's active in school sports and made honor roll last semester. I don't know what happened. May be we should have let him bring his Game Boy on vacation.

Officials from the local US consulate were also on hand to survey the carnage. "I've never seen anyone take out so many opponents so efficiently," consular official John Sommerhalder said. "It's like he was trained. I haven't seen anything like this since Honduras in '85."

Brian Sanderson, a representative for Nintendo of America, said, "We at Nintendo would like to express our grief and condolences to the next of kin of the turtles lost in the tragedy. In no way do we condone such behavior as exhibited by the young man. Nintendo's products are meant to be family-oriented entertainment."

Source

This must be one of the dumbest game related news I heard this generation so far. And he's 16 for crying out loud, not five, six, or ten.

**Robert** · 04-01-2005, 08:09 PM

Rofl.

**Coded-Dude** · 04-01-2005, 08:31 PM

thats the funniest thing I've read all day!

**julps31** · 04-01-2005, 10:38 PM

Ha, ha, ha.....aww man that was hilarious.

**Marjoh** · 04-01-2005, 11:27 PM

April Fools!

**gnznroses** · 04-02-2005, 03:29 AM

well, this actually has happened... in my own state of WV, i think in the 80s when mario 1 was still out, some kids, mabe 8 years old or so, jumped on a turtle, and then someone sued nintendo over it...

**Tenchi** · 04-02-2005, 04:11 AM

Originally Posted by gnznroses

well, this actually has happened... in my own state of WV, i think in the 80s when mario 1 was still out, some kids, mabe 8 years old or so, jumped on a turtle, and then someone sued nintendo over it...

Did you just have to go and make everything practical? Anyways, as I read that article, a strange urge to pee my pants quickly overcame my frail and weak body... Explain that phenomenon gnznroses! :wink:

**Brandon** · 04-02-2005, 04:18 AM

This is so horrible, yet funny.

This must be one of the dumbest game related news I heard this generation so far. And he's 16 for crying out loud, not five, six, or ten.

I agree. If they start blaming Mario or Sonic the Hedgehog for animal violence, I'll lose hope for all mankind.

**Tenchi** · 04-02-2005, 04:53 AM

Originally Posted by Brandon

This is so horrible, yet funny.

This must be one of the dumbest game related news I heard this generation so far. And he's 16 for crying out loud, not five, six, or ten.

I agree. If they start blaming Mario or Sonic the Hedgehog for animal violence, I'll lose hope for all mankind.

I can see it now Brandon:

Concerned Mom: So, what do you wanna get honey?[speaking to son]
Playful Son: Well, I wanted Mario Sunshine Star Edition(fake game).
Concerned Mother: Oh, no baby. Your father died last week because he stepped on a poisonous turtle after he had his helping of Super Mario 64. Why don't you pick a more feel-good family game? Why not this one(pointing at Grand Theft Auto 7, also fake)? It seems like the perfect family experience.

**Robert** · 04-02-2005, 05:04 AM

I can't wait for a Sonic-version of this to happen.

Concerned Parents: What happened?!
FBI Agent: Your son broke into the museum and tried to steal all of our gold ring jewlery, after which he tried to escape saying that he had 'speed boots' on as he attempted to run up a wall.
Concerned Parents: Did he say why?
FBI Agent: When we asked he simply said that the world depended on his becoming of Super Sonic to defeat a 'Doctor Roboto, Robotnik' something like that.
Concerned Parents: I knew Sega was evil, ever since they trashed their reputation with Sonic Heroes!

**Brandon** · 04-02-2005, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by Robert

I can't wait for a Sonic-version of this to happen.

Concerned Parents: What happened?!
FBI Agent: Your son broke into the museum and tried to steal all of our gold ring jewlery, after which he tried to escape saying that he had 'speed boots' on as he attempted to run up a wall.
Concerned Parents: Did he say why?
FBI Agent: When we asked he simply said that the world depended on his becoming of Super Sonic to defeat a 'Doctor Roboto, Robotnik' something like that.
Concerned Parents: I knew Sega was evil, ever since they trashed their reputation with Sonic Heroes!

Hehe...that's great. There's some pretty disturbed individuals out there. I wouldn't be surprised if something this strange happened. And yes...Sonic Heroes was a cold, sad day for blue hedgehogs everywhere.

**Robert** · 04-02-2005, 05:13 AM

If this keeps happening, they need to put little disclaimers before Main Menus in games, just like in Jackass:

DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING SEEN IN THIS GAME. THEY ARE DONE OR SUPERVISED BY TRAINED PROFESSIONALS. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES OR BLATANT MISHAPS THAT MAY HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF YOU BEING REALLY RETARDED.

**Rizon** · 04-02-2005, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by Robert

If this keeps happening, they need to put little disclaimers before Main Menus in games, just like in Jackass:

DO NOT ATTEMPT ANYTHING SEEN IN THIS GAME. THEY ARE DONE OR SUPERVISED BY TRAINED PROFESSIONALS. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INJURIES OR BLATANT MISHAPS THAT MAY HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF YOU BEING REALLY RETARDED.

ah, what a nice welcome for a game. still would kids that jump on turtles, that are the SAME age as me, they wouldn't pay attention. That kid must have really been f**ked up in the head to think super mario was reality, higher the doseage.

the sonic trouble will probadly also start up, has anyone heard of anything like this with pokemon? its got to happen, some small kid catching animals in nets.

**julps31** · 04-02-2005, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by Marjoh

April Fools!

I was thinking the same thing I just didn't say anything. Plus they didn't say the case was from West virginia or the 1980s. So I think this could easily be an April fools joke. Especially how they wrote it....wait a minute...did you notice this picture?

Okay no question its an April fools joke, Lol. Dudes about 36 anyway. I can't beleive you thought this was real. Plus they way they wrote the artical....
"I brought my family all the way from Wichita to see the loggerheads nest, as well as have a few strawberry margaritas. "

"Those creatures out there weren't just turtles. They were mothers. They were fathers, sisters, and brothers. How do you explain to their families what happened?"

If that doesn't give it away I don't know what would.